RELEASED FROM CEDARS-SINAI

Melissa gets to go home tomorrow (Tue Jan 22)!  Wahoo!  It has been twelve days now since her aorta split and our lives were put on high alert.  And now we’re about to start a new chapter:  home re-hab.  I think our house is going to look pretty good after two weeks away.

But this moment is wonderful enough to cherish.  Melissa is back to her full exuberant life-loving self.  She will be months getting her strength and endurance back, but now is a very good now.  All sutures were removed today.  She matter-of-factly displays the still-healing chest incision.   Just about all of the life-monitoring apparatus was removed today.  She has needle tracks up and down her arms.  I didn’t even know she had a plastic tube encasing a wire directly to her heart (in case she needed an emergency jump-start).  She said it felt weird being removed because the wire was stuck directly to her heart.  Just a few tugs by the Doc and the wire and tube came out.  Yikes.  The only thing I want tugging at my heart is the reminder to love people!  And I DO mean that metaphorically. 

Melissa moved out of the ICU to a normal room yesterday.  There’s a big difference between a unit dedicated to keeping you alive versus one that prioritizes keeping you comfortable.  She actually slept last night.  No alarms and bells dinging so often it sounds like a casino.  I exaggerate not.  No loud intercom announcements of codes blue and red.  And no more people injecting or sucking fluids out of my daughter every hour!!

We moved our home base from Matt and Sarah Moore’s house this morning.  Their warm smiles and delightful kids did Karin and me a world of good.  Yesterday especially, Karin got weepy with each additional expression of kindness to us.  I understand those feelings.  We need and thrive on that love but aren’t necessarily the best at knowing how to process it.

I want to be with my church Sunday.  I want to hug the people who have labored in prayer for my daughter.  I want to praise and share about the kind of God who deals so kindly with His kids.  And if I hug you a little too hard, it’s for the folks around the U.S. and the world that I can’t get to.  May your prayers come back to bless you.

One more thing.  Thanks, Tim.  Thanks for being a calming and healing presence for so many days here in L.A.  I think of your teen years and am now glad I didn’t terminate you when it seemed reasonable.  You and Julie are always a breath of God for us.  I love you.

Dad

COURAGE IS ...

Some months ago Melissa gave me an enormous coffee mug that reads, “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.”  John Wayne is credited with the quote and proudly poses on the side of the cup.  Melissa has all the courage that the ol’ Duke has, if you ask me.  You see, she thought all this aortic surgery and dissections and Marfan’s stuff meant the end of an active life as she has known it.  Mom and Dad thought so too.  Yesterday morning she was asking her PT (physical therapist) what she could hope to do when she heals up.  “Why, anything you could ever do!” he said.  “You mean I can dance again?” she ventured.  He replied, “Lots of Pro athletes have had the same operation.  Lots have Marfan’s, too.  That’s why so many are tall!  Take your beta [blood pressure meds] and do anything you want!”  Melissa’s brilliant smile and tears were music to my soul.  “Swing dancing is one of my favorite things” she confessed quietly.  She had faced her surgery and upcoming rehab with courage – scared that it would mean the end of her favorite pastime.  Sometimes the most wonderful gifts are the ones we thought we were going to lose. 

So I think it is a wonderful gift to watch her chatting with a friend just now.   I almost don’t notice the six i.v. lines hanging from her neck and wrists or her index finger glowing red from the blood gas lead.  What I do notice is that mom braided her hair last night.  Her lips have some natural color now, which they did not have before the morning transfusion.  She’s going to be fine, even if there are bouts of pain.  She’s got courage – true grit.  The only thing missing is the Stetson.

FEELIN STRONG NOW

Remember when Rocky was training with Apollo Creed for his bout with Clubber Lang?  Well, I can't seem to shake the theme song, "Eye of the Tiger" from my mind's soundtrack.  Every time I see Melissa I know she's got the eye.  She's fighting through pain and exhaustion.  Last night she didn't sleep much.  So she has trouble finishing sentences without her eyes drooping shut.  But her indomitable courage shines through anyway.  She says what she's going to do, even if it's a triumphant declaration of an upcoming trip to the bathroom.  She's willing to ask for what she needs.  Her sweetness is not the same as passivity.  She's on a mission to health, and wants to know just how much swing dancing she can do and what training she will need to incorporate into her life so she can get to her goal.  That's my girl.

Melissa's college friend Michelle flew in from New York just to see that Melissa was okay.  I don't know if that says Melissa is a world-class friend or Michelle is.  Or both.  I do know my heart was warmed to see Melissa's brothers Josh and Tim here all day and their tender goodbyes last night.  Mark Fogarty and Justin Jang, thanks.  You are good friends.  Sarah and Matt Moore have actually convinced me that giving up their bedroom while we are staying with them is a privilege and pleasure.  Melody Grauman, your surprise visit and lunch was nice.   Brandon, Laura, Rachel, Mike, Vicky, Jeanette, and Irene -- you drove and flew so far to be what nothing else can be -- true family.  Of course Melissa is recovering at turbo speed.  She's soaked in your love, and there's no greater salve.

Every time we feel your love and joy resonate back to us we get recharged.  Flashlight prayer warriors Nancy and Betty laughed aloud in celebration when they heard their prayers had been answered.  My dad could hardly speak for the relief he and mom felt upon hearing Dr. K's report.  And maybe your name isn't listed here.  Maybe you're one of those in Kenya, Australia, Pacific Islands, India, dozens of other states across the U.S. who have prayed and asked your friends to also.  You are holy family to us.  Thank you.  God heard.  Profuse appreciation to our kind God is the reasonable response.  I wonder what would happen if I looked for someone else to include in that love today?

THE MORNING AFTER

You who have followed Melissa's progress to this place, thank you.  And the prayer warriors who have held Melissa, me and my family... Well you are superheroes in my book.  Thank you so much.

Melissa looks amazing this morning.  She's up, talking, eating, smiling and taking care of bathroom business.  Yes we are as excited about a successful poo as if she was two years old.  All hospital personnel say she's way ahead of the recovery curve.  Minimal drainage from the chest tubes mean they will probably be removed in just a few hours.  That should reduce her pain about 80% says the cardiologist.  She is enduring a good bit of pain at the moment, so she has her game face on.  But with each hour will come huge steps to her becoming a "free woman" again -- meaning un-tied by Iv's wires, drainage hoses and catheters.

Something I didn't mention about her surgery.  As planned, the surgical team stopped and cooled her heart to make all the repairs.  After the procedure it is customary to re-start the heart with electricity, just like heart attack patients.  Then it's common to need to re jolt it a time or two to get the rhythm right.  Doctor Khoynezhad said he was about to ask for the paddles when the heart just jumped back to life.  Perfect rhythm.  How like Melissa.  She doesn't tend to wait around for an invitation to do something.  If it's time to start beating, her heart is ready to get with it.  As Dr. K told the story I couldn't help feeling like Melissa's personality was coming through the second she was re-assembled.

GOOD NEWS and SOBER GRATITUDE

At 8:45 p.m. Dr. Koynezhad shared the good news:  the surgery went very well!  Nothing can come close to describing the joy and gratitude we feel!  We wept with happiness.

It's an even bigger job than I imagined.  First she was cut down the middle, her sternum sawed apart and her ribs spread apart.  After re-routing the blood and breathing through a heart-lung machine, they stopped her heart and cut out the aortic root right up to the heart.  Dr. K. preserved the valve (which was in good shape, hallelujah) and sewed it onto the dacron replacement aorta.  Then he sewed the replacement aorta onto the heart.  Lest you think this is simple or crude, it takes 500 stitches to make it happen.  FIVE HUNDRED.

I'm not exactly surprised that it went well.  Hundreds, maybe even thousands of people prayed for it to be just that way.  I had received it already by faith.  But if I had known what was really going on I would likely have been far more anxious.

Dr. K explained that when he got inside the thoracic cavity he found the bulge of the aortic root was in fact inflated like an onion.  But what really got his attention was the "sacular bulge" that protruded from the underside of the already distended aorta.  He said that she may not have lasted even another week.  Had that delicate bubble burst Melissa would have died within seconds.  He excised the aorta with the bulge and sent it to pathology lab for analysis.  When I think that her surgery was almost postponed another week, I tremble.  More to the point, I think back 2 days ago when the doctor gave us parents and Melissa a choice whether to operate now or put it off 3-6 months.  We chose wisely.  She would certainly not have lasted six months.  And when I think that had she not had the dissection tear, Dr K never would have had occasion to notice her aortic aneurism, I'm quiet with gratitude.   Gratitude for the most painful disaster ever to come into my beloved daughter's life.  What a bizarre world and strange life.

So now we start the rehab process.  Tomorrow Melissa gets the breathing tube removed and even starts walking.  She's gonna have to fight through pain and yuk.  Tubes will drain fluids away from her chest cavity.  But I'm going to remember all I just wrote.  I'm going to be happy, deliriously happy right through her suffering.

I hope I'm not extrapolating spiritual truth where it doesn't belong, but I can't help wondering if maybe this is kinda how it is with us and God at times.  We think if God liked us, painful stuff wouldn't come along.  "Disasters" would not happen.  But I suspect when we get eternity's perspective, when we see what the angels can see, we will understand that God always was good, even when we couldn't see it.  Four days ago you could not have convinced me that the aortic dissection was anything but the worst thing that ever happened.  And today I know it helped save my daughter's life.

Maybe I'll write something more in a few days.

SURGERY ON NOW

Just when we mentally adjusted to the idea that we were being rescheduled for next week, the nurse returned with the news that the OR is being prepped for Melissa.  She will be going in just minutes.  If we feel any anxiety, it is not on the surface.  Melissa is alert, chipper, and really wishes she could eat the yummy brunch we bought her thinking she could.  The surgery team is about 10 people, technicians, assistants, nurses, anesthesiologists, cardiologists, etc.  Tim and I are pretty sure we saw the scrubs storage closet, and could easily mingle in with the team unnoticed.  

The nurse asked some dumb questions.  She asked Melissa what operation she was here for.  It's all we could do to not suggest adamanthium mutant experimentation or perhaps third arm implantation.  We behaved ourselves barely.  Dr. K is now in the room, assuring us of the team's readiness and the 6 hour surgery ahead.  If he cannot preserve the valve, she will get a biological one.  She will be sitting up tonight and walking tomorrow.

The prayers going to God in Melissa's behalf are overwhelming, from around the world.  

POSTPONED ?

Patients. I see why they are called that. Dr K just came in to tell us surgery is postponed because of a lung transplant. Since Melissa is stable she is delayed. We might have to come back next week. Next week?!?! I have no desire to have patience for my only daughter's health. But after a moment I realize that I want blessing for others and another drive to LA doesn't matter much in the big scheme of things. Besides I have been seeing firsthand the results of high blood pressure. Peace is a good lifestyle. 

Well, Doc K just came in again to say maybe she will go in at 1:00 today.  Uncertainty is its own kind of torture.  But it isn't useful to dwell on.  I'm in the room with my loved family.  And we're all ok.  That's rather a lot I'd say.  Thanks God.